Sometimes I get really angry and frustrated with myself. My head is overfilled with ideas but I keep on tripping over my own feet and can't move forward. I get jealous looking at people who bring my ideas to life and succeed whereas I can't even get started.
I'm not angry because they came up with the same ideas. No. I'm not that sort of naive people who think that they can claim ownership of ideas or are afraid to tell someone the idea for their novel because they don't want anyone to "steal" it. Many people observe the same world that you do, the same laws of logic apply to everyone, so it's not surprising that the same idea may pop up in the minds of different people. What really counts is how you act on it.
The problem is that I more than often lack the proper resources to make my ideas a reality. And it makes me so angry.
As a part of my plan to get over these circumstances, I've decided to start this blog. This is going to be my outlet. A breath of fresh air. Something to remind me that it's not like this everywhere in the world.
I've started writing this post frustrated at the fact that my microphone makes a high pitched sound every time I try to record a screencast for my youtube channel. This silly thing has been on my mind for the last month or so. And no one can tell me whether it's because of the mic, my computer, or maybe the software I'm using for recording and editing. And whether buying an expensive microphone will fix the problem. So I've been browsing high-quality mics all morning today, not even knowing if by buying one I'll be making an investment. Can I afford it? Will that money be well spent?
That's just one thing that ticked me off today. But it all piles up.
Yesterday I was scrolling through my news feed on Facebook and came across one of the many cries for help. A plea to chip in and pay for an operation for some dying child, one of many. The story is always the same. The treatment is very expensive, and the family doesn't have any money. They've sold everything they could, took out loans from the bank and barely have any money left for food. And it's still only the quarter of the sum needed for the operation. Then you have to add costs of transportation and living in another country (because they don't do that sort of operations in Ukraine). Multiply that by two because a kid can't go there alone without his mom. Add to the equation how many months they have been struggling to come up with the minimum amount needed just to get the treatment started, and you'll get a pretty clear idea of why I am so angry.
But what infuriates me even more is that when I tell these same people that... well... maybe we should work on getting a little richer. You know... Think of how to earn more money. Maybe lower some taxes. Make it easier for small business owners to make ends meet. How about signing that petition to Paypal so that we could maybe work things out and start receiving payments on our PayPal accounts legally and without a middleman who wants 45% for his services. Anyone?
Nah! I'm just kidding. Everyone knows that it's the government's obligation to pay for the treatment of sick children! Let's get our tires and start a fire in front of the Parliament house. That'll show 'em!
Let 'em use budget funds for that! Where does the budget money come from? How the hell should I know? Corruption? What does that have to do with sick little children?
I know that I want full-functioning PayPal in Ukraine for my own greedy needs. But recently I've started thinking that it's also a good way for charities to get more money for their needs (i.e. poor dying children). So the next time a tearful post about a sick baby pops up on my news feed I won't ignore it. I'll make an effort to share it and make sure to add a link to the "PayPal for Ukraine" petition on top of it. Just to send that idea out into the universe.
It's the most I can do. But honestly I don't know how many times trying without succeeding is enough before you can just give up.